A morning conversation with mr. che, Josh and me

mr. che: did you know all Korean teachers at wonderland are not married?

Josh and Me: oh... yea?

mr. che: yes, yes. they are all not touched. {walks over to Josh, rubs his arm} like this. No skinship. Skinship.

Josh and Me: {nervous and awkward laughter}.

mr. che: {walks away then abruptly turns around} did you know that, um, the no touched Koreans also, um, no sexing?

Josh: {turns head away, eyebrows raised, lips pinched and curling up on the sides}

mr che: {approaches me, wide-eyed, brings his face close to mine} have you heard of sex?

Josh: {pinching the inside of his thigh in order not to laugh in mr. che's face}

Me: Sex? Ah... yeah, I've heard of it.

mr. che: all Korean teachers, except Carrie... no sex. You must watch for Korean women with many {rubs lips, indicating lipstick} red and many {touches eyes, indicating mascara}. They look like lion. rarrrr. {moves arms like he thinks a lion would} They will follow you and you must stay away. Koreans with no {rubs lips and eyes} are okay.

Josh: Yes...? Are you talking about makeup?

mr. che: yes, yes.

Me: {silent}

Josh: {silent}

mr. che: {silent}
{the female korean teachers come into the teacher's lounge, and mr. che points at them}

mr. che: see. no make up. {walks off}

On Thursday I get my wisdom teeth pulled.

It'll take between 15 and 30 minutes. Today the dentist looked at them. "Simple extraction." I plan on teaching a Kindergarten class with gauze in my mouth. After that, my two hours will have expired, and I can spit the gauze and go about my business unhindered.

Maybe I'll get laser eye surgery within the next seven months.

New Years

Instead of a big ball dropping from the sky like in Times Square, a bunch of men battering-ram a huge bell. Then the fireworks explode. Everyone has a delicious time with beebimbap and soju, and then the next thing you know, you're waking up on someone's floor where a dog's resting his sleeping head on your crotch.